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00:00:00 #1 Getting on my nerves.
00:01:32 #2 Sorry, but it's Mrs. Mattle's orders.
00:01:34 #3 Mrs. Mattle, who's she?
00:01:35 #4 She's Mrs. Miss Mottinwall. She wasn't home for dinner tonight.
00:01:38 #5 I didn't even know he was married just a few moments ago.
00:01:41 #6 He's inclined to forget it himself at times. He's, uh, very susceptible.
00:01:46 #7 That's not an agreed susceptible.
00:01:48 #8 Maybe my it isn't working today.
00:01:51 #9 The day isn't over yet.
00:01:53 #10 What do you mean?
00:01:56 #11 As night draws on, at eight o'clock to be precise, he changes.
00:02:00 #12 Change your time?
00:02:01 #13 Well, during the day, Mr. Smith is a lawyer, a businessman.
00:02:05 #14 But at eight o'clock, the little birds start singing in his soul, and he begins to bloom.
00:02:10 #15 Bloom?
00:02:11 #16 Any pretty woman can twist him around her finger.
00:02:14 #17 Any pretty woman?
00:02:16 #18 Well, the prettier she is, the more twisted he gets.
00:02:20 #19 It's what they call prenatal influence.
00:02:24 #20 Oh, that's the new alibi for an old complaint.
00:02:27 #21 You notice the lady the song is called Madeline.
00:02:30 #22 That's Mrs. Miss Maymall's song.
00:02:32 #23 And Mother-in-law's idea to keep her mind on his after-wife.
00:02:36 #24 Exactly.
00:02:37 #25 Andrews?
00:02:38 #26 Yes, sir? His mind is very active tonight.
00:02:45 #27 Audubon 2456.
00:02:54 #28 Yes, please.
00:03:01 #29 Hello?
00:03:04 #30 Oh, Mindy.
00:03:05 #31 Say, listen, Diane, your husband didn't forget himself and stay home tonight, did he?
00:03:08 #32 No, he's out again.
00:03:10 #33 Well, listen, this is very important.
00:03:12 #34 You put on your prettiest dress and come over here.
00:03:15 #35 I've found the very lawyer to get your divorce for you.
00:03:17 #36 And from all I hear, it won't cost you any more than a smile or two.
00:03:22 #37 That sounds great, Mittie. Who is he?
00:03:26 #38 I say, who is he and where can I find him?
00:03:29 #39 He's the lawyer I started working for today.
00:03:31 #40 Mr. Richard Smith. You know the address.
00:03:34 #41 And, uh, Diane, get here by 8 o'clock.
00:03:39 #42 Yes, 8 o'clock. Will you come?
00:03:42 #43 Sure, I'll be there.
00:03:44 #44 Oh, Miss Smither.
00:04:01 #45 Mr. Smith wants you to bring a notebook and pencil.
00:04:03 #46 More dictation.
00:04:06 #47 Remarkable how active his mind is tonight.
00:04:09 #48 It's nearly at a clock.
00:04:11 #49 You would better hurry.
00:04:12 #50 Hurry, nothing.
00:04:13 #51 I want to see how a man acts when he, uh, blooms.
00:04:27 #52 Good evening, Andrews.
00:04:28 #53 I hope you haven't got dinner waiting for me.
00:04:30 #54 No, ma'am.
00:04:31 #55 Is Mr. Smith finished yet?
00:04:32 #56 He's having a dessert in his room.
00:04:34 #57 Dessert in his room, eh?
00:04:35 #58 Well, if I haven't, I got home before eight o'clock.
00:04:37 #59 Yes, ma'am.
00:04:38 #60 Just a minute, Andrew, as I'll take this.
00:04:40 #61 It's a new photograph record.
00:04:42 #62 But we must not let him grow tired of the other one.
00:04:44 #63 No, ma'am.
00:04:45 #64 A man can't be reminded too much of anything, even a wife.
00:04:59 #65 Desert in his roommate?
00:05:02 #66 Pardon me, were you looking for someone?
00:05:03 #67 Well, certainly not for you.
00:05:06 #68 I had no idea that Mr. Smith was entertaining
00:05:09 #69 lady friends.
00:05:10 #70 Well, I'd hardly say I'd gotten that far.
00:05:20 #71 I'm only here on trial.
00:05:22 #72 Trial?
00:05:24 #73 Yes.
00:05:25 #74 He promised that if I made good today, he'd keep me.
00:05:30 #75 Keep you?
00:05:32 #76 Oh.
00:05:33 #77 Oh, I see.
00:05:35 #78 And you're the new secretary.
00:05:37 #79 Well, of course.
00:05:38 #80 What did you think?
00:05:39 #81 Well, if you knew my son-in-law as I know him,
00:05:41 #82 you wouldn't blame me for having us judge, Joe.
00:05:43 #83 You don't mean he's a passion flower?
00:05:45 #84 Well, he's no geranium.
00:05:50 #85 And if you're wise, you won't stay here another minute. I don't mind.
00:05:55 #86 I get paid double for it.
00:05:56 #87 Nothing could pay you for what might happen.
00:06:00 #88 You're not at all the sort of young woman that should be around here after eight o'clock.
00:06:05 #89 You'd be surprised.
00:06:11 #90 Where in the name of St. Andrews?
00:06:14 #91 Yes, yes, sir. Yes, sir.
00:06:16 #92 The uproar in my filing cabinet is all broken. All my important papers all over the floor.
00:06:20 #93 Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
00:06:21 #94 Yes, sir.
00:06:25 #95 Miss Mide, you have those papers ready for my signature?
00:06:27 #96 Not yet, Mrs. Smith. You see your mother-in-law.
00:06:29 #97 Oh, hang my mother-in-law.
00:06:33 #98 Yes, sir.
00:06:33 #99 Huh? Oh, hello, Mother.
00:06:38 #100 Oh, Mother, pardon my English. I thought you were in Newark.
00:06:41 #101 I'm sorry to disappoint you.
00:06:43 #102 But Richard, if you're not too busy, I would like just a word with you.
00:06:46 #103 One word? Well, that's unusual, Mother. What is it?
00:06:48 #104 I want to see you alone.
00:06:49 #105 Well, that's impossible at the present moment, Mother. Impossible.
00:06:52 #106 But Richard, I have something very important to tell you.
00:06:54 #107 Miss Minter, Miss Minter, please. What did you do with those papers in the Randall murder case?
00:06:57 #108 Richard, I have a surprise for you.
00:06:59 #109 Oh, you're going home. Oh, I'm...
00:07:02 #110 Mother, please. Can't you see that I'm busy with Miss Minter?
00:07:04 #111 Miss Winter, please. Busy, busy, busy.
00:07:06 #112 Phew! Busy.
00:07:08 #113 Mother, your suspicions hurt me.
00:07:10 #114 Now, what possible objection can you have to Miss Winter?
00:07:12 #115 Well, I don't like her wiggle.
00:07:14 #116 Her what?
00:07:15 #117 Her wiggle. Her walk.
00:07:16 #118 Oh, I hadn't noticed it. Miss Winter, wiggle.
00:07:18 #119 That is walk, please.
00:07:24 #120 Oh!
00:07:25 #121 That will do.
00:07:26 #122 Never do that again during business hours. Never.
00:07:31 #123 Now, come, mother, come.
00:07:33 #124 Run along, run along like a good little girl,
00:07:35 #125 I promise you the only thing that she'll wiggle is her corona.
00:07:39 #126 But Richard, now we must have our talk.
00:07:42 #127 You'll send for me when she leaves.
00:07:44 #128 I will, Mother. I will if you'll promise not to come until I send for you.
00:07:48 #129 All right, Richard dear. Do you remember? I trust you.
00:07:53 #130 Since when? Now, Miss Mitter, where were we?
00:08:01 #131 Ah, yes, yes, yes.
00:08:04 #132 Oh, yes. Remarkable speech of Richard Smith in the Randall murder case.
00:08:09 #133 The eminent lawyer.
00:08:11 #134 Oh, my word.
00:08:13 #135 That's a picture of me.
00:08:15 #136 You couldn't tell me from the murderer.
00:08:18 #137 I could sue a firm like this, sue them for libel.
00:08:21 #138 Come, come, come, come, come.
00:08:23 #139 To work, dictation. Take a letter.
00:08:25 #140 You ready?
00:08:26 #141 Shoot?
00:08:27 #142 I...
00:08:28 #143 Dignity, please, Miss Mitter, during office hours.
00:08:31 #144 I'll try it again. Are you ready?
00:08:33 #145 Yes, Miss Mitter.
00:08:34 #146 That's better.
00:08:35 #147 Mr. George Spelvin, Elizabeth Town, New York, dear sir.
00:08:38 #148 Got that?
00:08:39 #149 Just a minute.
00:08:40 #150 Miss Menter, what is the matter?
00:08:42 #151 Mr. Smith.
00:08:43 #152 Mr. George Speldin was the name.
00:08:44 #153 Elizabeth Towne, New York, dear sir.
00:08:48 #154 I am in receipt of your proposition,
00:08:49 #155 offering me $1,000 to assist you in the defense
00:08:52 #156 of your client accused of DMD.
00:08:55 #157 What was that accusation?
00:08:57 #158 Murder, don't tell me.
00:09:00 #159 Your suggestion that two weeks in the country
00:09:02 #160 would be almost a date.
00:09:07 #161 We'll make the fee $2,000 and cut the vacation.
00:09:11 #162 gleaming lakes and rose gardens do not appeal to me
00:09:14 #163 as i am a businessman strictly business strictly business
00:09:33 #164 and rose gardens
00:09:36 #165 uh... pretty thought
00:09:41 #166 pretty flower
00:09:47 #167 that letter can wait miss miter
00:09:49 #168 take a note
00:09:51 #169 and miss lucille darling of anibald hotel new york city
00:09:55 #170 have you got that just a minute take your time miss miter take your time
00:10:00 #171 my dear miss darling
00:10:03 #172 i called at your apartment last tuesday night four times between the hours of
00:10:07 #173 eight and twelve
00:10:09 #174 when you make an appointment with me you should not fool me
00:10:12 #175 when you please return my blue silk pajamas
00:10:16 #176 mister smith
00:10:19 #177 which i loaned you for the art students ball
00:10:25 #178 very disrespectfully
00:10:27 #179 richard
00:10:28 #180 but you know my name is smith I don't have to tell you
00:10:32 #181 we'll call it a day shall we
00:10:35 #182 it's been a very hard day too
00:10:36 #183 I wonder, do you feel like a cordial?
00:10:38 #184 Very cordial.
00:10:40 #185 Oh, oh, you little wisecracker.
00:10:43 #186 You may wiggle for me if you like.
00:10:51 #187 Yes, that'll do.
00:10:53 #188 Mother was right.
00:10:55 #189 A very dangerous woman.
00:10:58 #190 Doubly dangerous.
00:11:00 #191 Andrews.
00:11:04 #192 Oh, Andrews.
00:11:08 #193 Andrews, bring a cordial.
00:11:10 #194 Would you please?
00:11:10 #195 Sorry, sir, but there's not a drink in the house.
00:11:13 #196 Mrs. Mantle's order, sir.
00:11:16 #197 Oh, how stupid.
00:11:18 #198 But you weren't thirsty anyway, were you?
00:11:20 #199 No.
00:11:21 #200 But you didn't say anything about nothing being on the hip.
00:11:26 #201 Good old Andrews.
00:11:27 #202 Your Andrews is a perfect container.
00:11:30 #203 I mean, retainer.
00:11:33 #204 Bring some glasses, will you, Andrews? Yes, sir.
00:11:35 #205 Well, you said you'd give me a day's trial.
00:11:39 #206 How do you like my work?
00:11:40 #207 A little rough, but sincere.
00:11:43 #208 You consider yourself engaged.
00:11:44 #209 Thank you. Thank you, ma'am.
00:11:47 #210 Thank you.
00:11:48 #211 You're quite sure that this is fit for a lady?
00:11:51 #212 That'll fit anybody, sir.
00:11:52 #213 Say no more.
00:11:54 #214 Will you want me any more this evening, sir?
00:11:58 #215 Not this evening.
00:12:00 #216 Thank you, sir.
00:12:01 #217 Thank you.
00:12:02 #218 Da-dee-da-da-da-dee-da-da.
00:12:06 #219 Loose moments.
00:12:11 #220 You know, Miss Middap.
00:12:13 #221 All great men must have their moments of relaxation.
00:12:16 #222 And the greater the man, the greater the moment.
00:12:19 #223 Are you suggesting anything?
00:12:21 #224 Anything.
00:12:28 #225 You like dancing?
00:12:29 #226 I love dancing.
00:12:31 #227 Is that so?
00:12:36 #228 Loose moments.
00:13:27 #229 What have you got on tonight?
00:13:28 #230 Nothing. I can't get out of. Why?
00:13:33 #231 You know, you and I and Jesse James
00:13:35 #232 were just made for each other. Oh, really?
00:13:37 #233 Yes.
00:13:38 #234 I wonder. I wonder.
00:13:39 #235 Will you meet me tonight at 10?
00:13:41 #236 10? Where?
00:13:42 #237 The lounge in the Hotel Astor. We'll have a little supper.
00:13:44 #238 We'll have a little dance.
00:13:45 #239 And oh, you have a pretty mouth.
00:13:47 #240 Oh, I like your mustache.
00:13:49 #241 Really? Well, shall we introduce them?
00:13:59 #242 Oh, Mother. I see you have on your rubber heels again.
00:14:03 #243 Miss... Miss Minter just met with a serious accident, yes, Minter.
00:14:07 #244 These things are very painful, but they must be endured.
00:14:10 #245 There. You feeling better?
00:14:12 #246 Yes.
00:14:13 #247 So am I. Miss Minter is just leaving.
00:14:16 #248 Yes, thank you. Will you need me tomorrow, Mr. Smith?
00:14:19 #249 At 10. 10 at the Aster.
00:14:21 #250 Was that richie?
00:14:23 #251 Huh? Oh, I said 10 o'clock.
00:14:25 #252 You said Aster.
00:14:26 #253 Did I? Yes, I asked her to come at 10.
00:14:29 #254 Well, I wish you a good night.
00:14:33 #255 Oh, a very, very, very good night.
00:14:44 #256 Richard, I want to talk to you about something of great importance.
00:14:48 #257 Oh!
00:14:49 #258 This is an upgrade.
00:14:50 #259 The idea of leaving important matters like this laying around on my desk. Andrews!
00:14:54 #260 What has happened?
00:14:55 #261 Oh, I told you. You know I told you.
00:14:57 #262 Of course I... Now look. Now it's happened. Where are you going?
00:15:00 #263 I'm going downtown on business.
00:15:01 #264 Andrews, my hat, my stick, yes.
00:15:03 #265 You're not going out of this house tonight.
00:15:04 #266 I have to, Mother. You don't understand.
00:15:06 #267 This is a matter of life or death.
00:15:08 #268 Andro, if anybody telephones to me, you tell them that I've gone.
00:15:10 #269 He won't. You haven't gone.
00:15:19 #270 Mother, would you stoop to do a thing like that?
00:15:24 #271 I'd do anything to keep you from going out.
00:15:26 #272 You don't seem to understand. This is for Mrs. Roach, Mrs. Cochran Roach.
00:15:29 #273 I don't care what kind of a Roach she is.
00:15:31 #274 But I'm handling all her private affairs.
00:15:33 #275 Well, you can do it in the daytime, not at night.
00:15:34 #276 Her husband is starting to shoot her. And if he does that, I'll probably lose my fee.
00:15:38 #277 And if you go, you'll probably lose your life. Let me see that note.
00:15:42 #278 I'd never. This is private.
00:15:44 #279 You mean it's an alibi. Andrews, take Mr. Smith hat and stick.
00:15:51 #280 Now Richard Smith, sit down.
00:15:55 #281 And you listen to me.
00:16:00 #282 You know I'm fond of you.
00:16:03 #283 Well, anybody can see that, mother.
00:16:05 #284 And you promised madam as long as she was away that you'd conduct your business
00:16:09 #285 here and never go out at night.
00:16:11 #286 A lawyer's night, mother.
00:16:12 #287 You'd be first wanted a credit if you broke your promise to her.
00:16:15 #288 And a doctor's life.
00:16:16 #289 And you did it because you know how weak you are after eight o'clock.
00:16:20 #290 the public demands that the...
00:16:21 #291 You wanted her to have a happy, contented holiday.
00:16:24 #292 I certainly did.
00:16:25 #293 Well, that's the reason you are not going out tonight.
00:16:28 #294 Oh, I'm not going out.
00:16:30 #295 Not as long as I'm here to prevent it.
00:16:32 #296 An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
00:16:35 #297 Well, in that case, Mother, you win
00:16:37 #298 with a couple of pounds to spare.
00:16:39 #299 Richard.
00:16:40 #300 Ha.
00:16:42 #301 I dare say you'll think I'm a very foolish old woman.
00:16:46 #302 Oh, no, Mother. No, no, no. Not old.
00:16:48 #303 a little foolish perhaps but certainly not all.
00:16:50 #304 Thank you.
00:16:52 #305 I bought you a present today. You bought something? For me?
00:16:57 #306 Well, the idea. Well, what was it? Yes.
00:17:00 #307 Well, is it animal, vegetable or mineral?
00:17:03 #308 Just a little reminder.
00:17:05 #309 It'll make a wonderful companion piece to old Madeline.
00:17:09 #310 Baby feet.
00:17:11 #311 Baby's footsteps on the stairs.
00:17:16 #312 I hear they are not...
00:17:22 #313 Pitter-patter, pitter-patter, oh!
00:17:24 #314 Oh, ma!
00:17:28 #315 Yes, Richard, that's my secret ambition.
00:17:32 #316 To hear the pitter-patter of the defeat.
00:17:35 #317 Oh, ma!
00:17:36 #318 Oh, Richard.
00:17:39 #319 Richard, you are now independently successful,
00:17:41 #320 and there's no further need of economy.
00:17:44 #321 And...
00:17:45 #322 Now, mother, don't flatter.
00:17:47 #323 Oh, Richard, I must do the pitter-patter of little thing.
00:17:52 #324 All right, Mother, I'll make a note of it.
00:17:54 #325 And tonight, I don't care what happens to Mrs. Cockburn Roach.
00:18:00 #326 Andrews?
00:18:03 #327 Ah!
00:18:04 #328 Oh, you see that, Mother, my voice is gone again.
00:18:06 #329 I've been talking all together too much.
00:18:07 #330 Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:18:09 #331 Is there something I can do?
00:18:10 #332 No, no, just let me stay in here quietly and alone
00:18:13 #333 and rest all by myself.
00:18:14 #334 Andrews, my dressing up.
00:18:16 #335 Yes, sir.
00:18:17 #336 Now there, Mother, doesn't that prove to you
00:18:18 #337 that I can be trusted?
00:18:19 #338 I do trust you, Richard.
00:18:21 #339 I do.
00:18:22 #340 Good night, Mother.
00:18:23 #341 And I'm going to look in on you every now and then to remind you of it.
00:18:26 #342 Yes. You look in, and I look out.
00:18:29 #343 Well, good night. Good night.
00:18:31 #344 Oh, and I have a surprise for you. A little later on.
00:18:33 #345 Oh, that's splendid. Good night, Mother.
00:18:36 #346 Well, good night. Tell me what it is.
00:18:38 #347 Well, you see, if you tell me, it won't be a surprise.
00:18:45 #348 Oh, I'm so glad you're in a good humor tonight.
00:18:48 #349 Oh, I'm so happy.
00:18:51 #350 Do-do-da-do, do-do-da-do, do-do-da-do, do-do-da-do, do-do-da-do.
00:19:02 #351 Well, could you close your mouth long enough
00:19:04 #352 to tell me what you're waiting for?
00:19:06 #353 Yes, sir. I didn't want to cut in front of Mrs. Maddell, sir.
00:19:10 #354 But there's a young lady waiting to see you. A young lady?
00:19:13 #355 Yes, sir. Does he mean?
00:19:15 #356 Yes, sir.
00:19:16 #357 What kind of young lady?
00:19:18 #358 Well, sir, I should say a very pleasant young lady.
00:19:21 #359 Blonde hair, blue eyes, uh, five foot, two, a hundred and six,
00:19:27 #360 And all around 34 with...
00:19:29 #361 That'll do.
00:19:30 #362 If I want to know anything more about the young lady,
00:19:33 #363 I'll find it out for myself.
00:19:35 #364 What is all around 34? What's she want?
00:19:38 #365 Uh, business, sir.
00:19:39 #366 She was sent by a mutual friend.
00:19:41 #367 You know as well as I do that it's long after business hours.
00:19:45 #368 And besides, my voice is going again. I won't.
00:19:46 #369 Won't see anybody.
00:19:48 #370 I know, Mr. Smith, but I couldn't come any other time.
00:19:51 #371 Can't you see me?
00:19:58 #372 Why, who said I couldn't see you?
00:20:02 #373 That will do, Andrews.
00:20:05 #374 Yes, sir, I thought it would say.
00:20:12 #375 Pardon me, but haven't I seen you somewhere?
00:20:15 #376 Well, that depends.
00:20:16 #377 I may not have been there.
00:20:17 #378 Oh, yeah.
00:20:18 #379 Oh, I see that one.
00:20:21 #380 But I know your face.
00:20:22 #381 I'm sure that we must have met.
00:20:24 #382 Well, don't tell me.
00:20:26 #383 I'll get you in just a minute.
00:20:27 #384 Yes.
00:20:28 #385 Won't you sit down? Thank you.
00:20:30 #386 Yes.
00:20:33 #387 Oh, I'll get you, yeah.
00:20:35 #388 I know your face.
00:20:38 #389 No.
00:20:39 #390 Why, it's Miss O'Dea. Yeah.
00:20:41 #391 Diane O'Dea, my favorite screen actress. Really? How not?
00:20:45 #392 I feel that we should be very, very good friends.
00:20:48 #393 I've seen so much of you. What?
00:20:50 #394 Oh, I mean, I've seen you so often.
00:20:53 #395 Oh.
00:20:55 #396 I'm afraid you're making fun of me.
00:20:57 #397 Not at all.
00:20:59 #398 Diane O'Dea.
00:21:01 #399 Well, what can I do for you, Miss O'Dea? Andrew's the man.
00:21:06 #400 He said something about a mutual friend.
00:21:08 #401 Yes, your new secretary, Kitty Minter,
00:21:10 #402 advised me to come and see you.
00:21:12 #403 Oh, you're a friend of Miss Minter's? Yes.
00:21:14 #404 Oh, well.
00:21:16 #405 And, oh, Mr. Smith, I think you're a perfectly wonderful man.
00:21:20 #406 Really?
00:21:22 #407 I mean, in your business.
00:21:24 #408 Everyone's talking about the wonderful speech you made
00:21:26 #409 in the Randall murder case.
00:21:27 #410 Oh, they're talking about it.
00:21:28 #411 Oh, well, well.
00:21:30 #412 The one about lonely wives.
00:21:32 #413 Yes, it was very good.
00:21:35 #414 I came right from the heart.
00:21:36 #415 And that's why I came?
00:21:38 #416 Yes.
00:21:39 #417 Of course.
00:21:40 #418 Of course, you're a murder lawyer, aren't you?
00:21:41 #419 Yes.
00:21:42 #420 I specialize in murders.
00:21:45 #421 You haven't murdered anybody, have you?
00:21:47 #422 Well, no, not yet.
00:21:49 #423 That is, I have.
00:21:50 #424 Well, of course, I don't believe I could be very much
00:21:51 #425 assistance you see until after the crime was committed.
00:21:54 #426 Oh.
00:21:55 #427 I only thought on account of your feeling for lonely wives.
00:21:59 #428 Yes.
00:22:00 #429 You might get me a divorce from my husband.
00:22:03 #430 a husband.
00:22:06 #431 Yes.
00:22:07 #432 That's different.
00:22:12 #433 Well, as a matter of fact, Miss O'Dea,
00:22:14 #434 I thoroughly and strongly disapprove of divorce.
00:22:17 #435 My specialty is murders.
00:22:20 #436 Oh, but this would be such a little one.
00:22:22 #437 No.
00:22:24 #438 Just a nice, quiet, sweet little divorce.
00:22:27 #439 You do not realize that modern civilization
00:22:29 #440 is founded on the unity, those eyes,
00:22:39 #441 I don't suppose you mean that.
00:22:41 #442 Mean what, Mr. Smith?
00:22:43 #443 That, uh, that come and get me expression in them.
00:22:46 #444 Why, I don't know what you're talking about.
00:22:48 #445 What a pity.
00:22:51 #446 You know I can hardly believe that you're married.
00:22:55 #447 Well, I'm not very much.
00:22:57 #448 That's why I want the divorce.
00:22:59 #449 Your husband is giving you trouble?
00:23:01 #450 He's not giving me anything.
00:23:03 #451 He's an actor.
00:23:05 #452 A bad actor?
00:23:06 #453 Not exactly.
00:23:08 #454 He's really quite good on a stage.
00:23:10 #455 Oh, what an alibi to get out every night.
00:23:13 #456 Well, I don't mind Felix going out.
00:23:15 #457 The trouble is that he doesn't come in.
00:23:17 #458 You mean to say that he leaves you all alone all night? Every night?
00:23:21 #459 Well, no, not every night.
00:23:23 #460 And I can't stand the uncertainty.
00:23:26 #461 I'd be so much happier if he'd always come home
00:23:28 #462 when he's through at the theater.
00:23:30 #463 Or if I could depend on his staying out.
00:23:37 #464 You all little woman.
00:23:39 #465 I'll see what I can do.
00:23:41 #466 No.
00:23:42 #467 Do you like dancing?
00:23:43 #468 Oh, I love it.
00:23:44 #469 You love it?
00:23:54 #470 But wouldn't we be rather crowded dancing in here?
00:23:57 #471 Well, uh, oh, that's not a bad idea.
00:24:01 #472 Why couldn't we adjourn to the Whoopi Club?
00:24:03 #473 No.
00:24:04 #474 You know, you and I and Jesse James
00:24:06 #475 were just made for each other.
00:24:08 #476 Oh, I couldn't.
00:24:09 #477 My husband's terribly jealous.
00:24:11 #478 He is.
00:24:13 #479 And yet he leaves you alone and lonely.
00:24:15 #480 Oh, well, that's just like a man.
00:24:17 #481 Do you know, Miss O'Dea, your friend, Miss Mint and I,
00:24:20 #482 we have a little extra business that we're going to transact.
00:24:23 #483 And we're going to conference at the Aster at 10 o'clock.
00:24:25 #484 Why couldn't we all get together and have a little supper?
00:24:28 #485 But wouldn't you be embarrassed with two girls?
00:24:31 #486 Two.
00:24:31 #487 And me feeling positively oriental.
00:24:34 #488 Oh.
00:24:35 #489 But I came to you for a divorce, not a party.
00:24:38 #490 Well, of course, Miss O'Dea, if you cannot consider yourself
00:24:40 #491 a party of the first part, what is it, Andrew?
00:24:42 #492 The front door bell, sir.
00:24:44 #493 Well, see who it is.
00:24:45 #494 You might be interested to know, sir, that Mrs. Mantle is coming down the back stairs.
00:24:49 #495 Oh, she might not understand our business relations.
00:24:53 #496 Oh, well, I'll go.
00:24:54 #497 But, uh, that way.
00:24:56 #498 A little more difficult, but much safer.
00:24:58 #499 Oh.
00:25:03 #500 And you won't forget 10 at the Axta, and we'll discuss your divorce case.
00:25:07 #501 You don't think I'll be doing wrong?
00:25:08 #502 Oh, time will tell.
00:25:10 #503 Time will tell.
00:25:12 #504 Just take a seat, sir.
00:25:13 #505 I'll call him.
00:25:20 #506 Gentlemen, to see you, sir.
00:25:24 #507 the great zero
00:25:26 #508 meaning nothing
00:25:27 #509 he said your secretary made an appointment sir
00:25:31 #510 oh yes all by all means you have income right in yes he might be a good
00:25:35 #511 excuse for my getting out
00:25:38 #512 this way sir
00:25:46 #513 thank you
00:25:50 #514 hello mister smith
00:25:52 #515 you understand of course that this is long after business hours i can give you
00:25:55 #516 only five minutes
00:25:57 #517 mister smith you are a very famous lawyer
00:26:00 #518 possibly ten minutes
00:26:02 #519 just a down
00:26:04 #520 i'm a part of the impersonators
00:26:06 #521 i'm pretty smart all the great men julia sees a william jennings brian all the
00:26:10 #522 dead ones
00:26:12 #523 all i do the live ones to see yes i know i saw your act in the theater you're
00:26:15 #524 really quite good all thank you thank you
00:26:18 #525 your jury speeches are made you famous i'm opening my new act at the palace
00:26:22 #526 next week and i picked you as the man of the moment
00:26:24 #527 may i impersonate you
00:26:27 #528 you impersonate me
00:26:30 #529 well how could you
00:26:31 #530 Oh, as a matter of fact.
00:26:32 #531 Yes, I think you do look a little bit like me.
00:26:35 #532 Oh, but I flatter you there, of course.
00:26:37 #533 But my dear sir, Mr. Smith, I could get you off
00:26:40 #534 base in two minutes.
00:26:41 #535 You can do in two minutes what has taken me all my life to do.
00:26:45 #536 May I show you?
00:26:45 #537 You'll have to.
00:26:48 #538 Oh, may I, would it make you nervous if I watch the operation?
00:26:53 #539 2,000 people watch me every night.
00:26:55 #540 You have an inferiority complex, haven't you?
00:26:59 #541 Oh, very good.
00:27:00 #542 Make a few gestures.
00:27:01 #543 I'd like to study your tricks of expression, your mannerisms.
00:27:04 #544 Smile, please.
00:27:07 #545 Frown.
00:27:10 #546 Register grief. Grief?
00:27:12 #547 Well, how do you grief?
00:27:18 #548 Splendid.
00:27:20 #549 Persignation.
00:27:23 #550 Anger.
00:27:25 #551 Very good.
00:27:26 #552 I feel like a perfect fool.
00:27:27 #553 Very good.
00:27:30 #554 You make this rather snappy, won't you?
00:27:31 #555 I have some very heavy thinking to do before 10 o'clock.
00:27:35 #556 Have you a mother-in-law? No.
00:27:38 #557 My wife is an orphan.
00:27:39 #558 Oh, lucky boy.
00:27:41 #559 Not that I want to say anything against my mother-in-law.
00:27:43 #560 You're a very sweet old lady and very, very fond of me.
00:27:46 #561 Only she works too hard at it.
00:27:48 #562 Oh, tries to run you out of your own home, I suppose.
00:27:50 #563 No, tries to keep me in it.
00:27:52 #564 Tonight, for instance, I have a date at 10 with a lady.
00:27:56 #565 With two ladies. Two ladies?
00:27:58 #566 What for?
00:27:59 #567 Well, I don't know just what for.
00:28:01 #568 Of course I have an idea, but I don't know.
00:28:03 #569 One of them is married.
00:28:05 #570 A husband must be a sap.
00:28:06 #571 Oh, Mitty, are you decent?
00:28:08 #572 Hi, where you been?
00:28:10 #573 Oh, say, did you go to see Smith?
00:28:12 #574 Hmm, I went, I saw, and I made a date to meet him tonight.
00:28:18 #575 Hey, that guy must be blooming all over the place.
00:28:21 #576 He made a date with me for tonight, too.
00:28:23 #577 Yeah, I know all about it.
00:28:25 #578 That's why I agreed to go.
00:28:27 #579 Oh, yeah? Which one of us were you trying to protect?
00:28:30 #580 Mitty, that was the only way I could get him to take my case.
00:28:33 #581 Oh, I see.
00:28:35 #582 Maybe that was the only way I could get him to take my case.
00:28:38 #583 Oh, that's all right, darling.
00:28:40 #584 And I'll give you every break in the world. I know.
00:28:42 #585 Say, you better go over to your apartment and get dressed,
00:28:44 #586 hadn't you?
00:28:45 #587 Oh, I only hope I get there before Felix does.
00:28:47 #588 Oh, why worry about zero?
00:28:50 #589 You're going to get a divorce from him, aren't you?
00:28:52 #590 Yeah, but I don't want him to divorce me.
00:28:54 #591 Oh.
00:28:55 #592 Bye.
00:28:57 #593 Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Pardon me.
00:29:02 #594 Have you an extra pair of glasses?
00:29:04 #595 I should have somewhere.
00:29:05 #596 No, come to think of it, I broke mine.
00:29:07 #597 Here, take these.
00:29:09 #598 Thanks.
00:29:15 #599 Well?
00:29:17 #600 How about it?
00:29:21 #601 Well, I'll.
00:29:23 #602 Why, I'll?
00:29:26 #603 Well, I'll be a son of a gun.
00:29:29 #604 Richard Smith?
00:29:31 #605 And Richard Smith?
00:29:32 #606 Why, we could be the Smith brothers.
00:29:34 #607 Oh, boy, you could fool anybody.
00:29:36 #608 Why, of course I could.
00:29:37 #609 I bet I could fool your own mother.
00:29:38 #610 Yes, sir.
00:29:40 #611 Fool my mother.
00:29:42 #612 My boy Hepin has sent you to me.
00:29:44 #613 You want my permission to give this impersonation of me in public?
00:29:46 #614 That's the reason I'm here.
00:29:48 #615 Well, you stay here tonight in my place.
00:29:50 #616 And if you can fool my mother-in-law and the servants
00:29:52 #617 until I get back, I'll give you that permission. It's a bet.
00:29:56 #618 You're on and I'm off.
00:29:57 #619 Cough, cough, cough.
00:29:59 #620 You seem to have a frog in your throat.
00:30:00 #621 At least it doesn't. Fine. I could use that. Good.
00:30:03 #622 I'll give them to you.
00:30:07 #623 This is my room.
00:30:11 #624 And this is my wife's room.
00:30:12 #625 Your wife?
00:30:13 #626 She isn't here, is she?
00:30:14 #627 Well, do you think I'd go away and leave you here,
00:30:16 #628 if she were?
00:30:18 #629 She's in the mountains.
00:30:21 #630 Now this is a dressing room and bath
00:30:23 #631 connecting the two rooms.
00:30:25 #632 Oh, they connect.
00:30:27 #633 Sure, we speak.
00:30:30 #634 Where does mother sleep?
00:30:31 #635 Mother.
00:30:33 #636 She never sleeps.
00:30:44 #637 Now my mother-in-law may say something
00:30:46 #638 about having a surprise for you.
00:30:48 #639 Well, that's all right.
00:30:49 #640 I'll tell you, wait until morning. Thank you, pardon me.
00:30:59 #641 Do you ring, sir?
00:31:00 #642 No, no, uh, uh, uh, Sonny, I did not.
00:31:04 #643 that it must have been mrs. mantle
00:31:07 #644 as the uh... gentlemen's order
00:31:11 #645 the gentleman
00:31:12 #646 all the years yes yes he's gone yet
00:31:15 #647 and uh... will you bring me a drink please yes
00:31:19 #648 and uh...
00:31:20 #649 tell my mother in law that my call seems to be so much worse i'll probably be
00:31:23 #650 getting to bed early
00:31:24 #651 yes yes
00:31:39 #652 boy you're a wonder
00:31:41 #653 say if you can fool my mother in law
00:31:43 #654 i'll pay you five hundred dollars
00:31:45 #655 and i'll make you an offer to retain you regularly Huh?
00:31:49 #656 Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
00:31:51 #657 I almost forgot.
00:31:52 #658 There you are. Every little bit helps.
00:31:54 #659 Oh, thanks.
00:31:56 #660 You don't miss a trick.
00:31:58 #661 You must have been out before.
00:31:59 #662 Now you all set?
00:32:00 #663 Well, not quite. I think you better turn down some of the lights.
00:32:05 #664 I don't want to take any chances with Mother-in-law.
00:32:09 #665 There you are. Now the house is yours.
00:32:11 #666 If you want me, you'll find me at the Hotel Aster. Bye-bye.
00:32:14 #667 Hey, hey, wait.
00:32:16 #668 What do you call your Mother-in-law?
00:32:18 #669 Oh, uh, uh, everything.
00:32:20 #670 You'll be perfectly safe if you stick to mother.
00:32:22 #671 Well, I hear loose moments, Corley.
00:32:24 #672 Ta-ta.
00:32:57 #673 Ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne.
00:32:59 #674 He-he-he-he-he-ne-ne.
00:33:01 #675 Ta-ta.
00:33:17 #676 Oh, Richard.
00:33:19 #677 Oh, here you are.
00:33:20 #678 You know, I've had such a start.
00:33:22 #679 I can't hear the fat door slam.
00:33:24 #680 Yes.
00:33:25 #681 My caller just left.
00:33:26 #682 Oh.
00:33:27 #683 Well, now we can continue our little session. I'm sorry, Mother Noor.
00:33:30 #684 You'll have to excuse me. I'm very busy.
00:33:32 #685 But where are you going?
00:33:32 #686 Well, I'm going to bed.
00:33:34 #687 But you mustn't.
00:33:35 #688 I mustn't go to bed?
00:33:36 #689 before you get your little surprise. I'm sorry, Mother,
00:33:38 #690 no, you have to keep it until the morning.
00:33:39 #691 Oh, Richard, you're so stupid.
00:33:42 #692 Madeline, your wife is home again.
00:33:49 #693 My wife?
00:33:58 #694 Well, he wasn't.
00:33:58 #695 Maybe he's in his room.
00:34:00 #696 Hello.
00:34:10 #697 Hey, dear, aren't you surprised?
00:34:12 #698 Oh, I'm paralyzed.
00:34:13 #699 Oh, you can see how devoutly he is, dear.
00:34:17 #700 But he hasn't even kissed you yet.
00:34:18 #701 Yes.
00:34:19 #702 Where is that great big homecoming kiss
00:34:21 #703 you've been writing me to expect?
00:34:22 #704 The great big homecoming kiss? Mm-hmm.
00:34:24 #705 The one I was writing you about?
00:34:26 #706 Oh, well, I'm saving it.
00:34:28 #707 Oh, you silly, impulsive goon.
00:34:30 #708 No, I mean I'm saving it until my cold gets better. Your cold?
00:34:34 #709 Have you a cold, sweetheart?
00:34:36 #710 Oh, it's frightful.
00:34:37 #711 I wouldn't dare kiss you, besides if anyone saw us.
00:34:40 #712 Heroes, leave the room.
00:34:45 #713 Leave the room. No.
00:34:46 #714 Don't anyone dare to leave this room.
00:34:48 #715 And I wouldn't play so closely, dear.
00:34:50 #716 No, really, in the condition I'm in, it's dangerous.
00:34:53 #717 Fiddlesticks, I'm not afraid.
00:34:55 #718 Well, that's because you have no idea what's ahead of us.
00:34:57 #719 Yes. Has something gone wrong? Oh.
00:34:59 #720 Dickie, you're keeping something from me.
00:35:01 #721 Mother, turn up the lights and work, please. No, no, no.
00:35:03 #722 Don't dare to turn up those lights.
00:35:04 #723 Dickie, what is the matter?
00:35:05 #724 Because I mean, I mean, my eyes.
00:35:08 #725 All swollen with the cold.
00:35:09 #726 Andrews, get me a stimulant.
00:35:12 #727 Are you in serious, couple dear?
00:35:14 #728 Oh, it's probably fatal.
00:35:16 #729 Oh, if I had any idea that you were coming home,
00:35:18 #730 I wouldn't have been here. What? No.
00:35:20 #731 I mean, in the condition I'm in.
00:35:21 #732 Oh, Dickie.
00:35:22 #733 There's just one thing to be done.
00:35:24 #734 I've got to go.
00:35:26 #735 Go where?
00:35:28 #736 Out. Downtown.
00:35:30 #737 Downtown now? Tonight?
00:35:32 #738 Oh, I should have gone ten minutes ago.
00:35:34 #739 Important engagement with the hotel-aster.
00:35:36 #740 Well, if I know my precious husband the way I think I do, he'll telephone and cancel that engagement.
00:35:40 #741 Telephone? Who?
00:35:42 #742 I mean, is there a telephone? Of course.
00:35:44 #743 Of course you can.
00:35:46 #744 The hotel-aster on the telephone.
00:35:48 #745 Wait, what do you mean? Any telephone can be done around here? I'll do it myself.
00:35:50 #746 Oh, well, maybe I'll wait. I'll wait until you get ready to go to, until we both get ready.
00:35:56 #747 Well, maybe before that.
00:35:57 #748 Oh, I knew you would. You know, I'm simply dying to get comfortable in my own little bed again
00:36:02 #749 and have a nice, long talk with you, honey.
00:36:04 #750 Oh, there's nothing I'd like better than to sit on the edge of the bed and listen to you, but...
00:36:07 #751 Oh, how thoughtless of me. After your long trip, dear, you must be tired.
00:36:11 #752 Oh, I'm not a bit tired, really. Why, the two months in the mountains have done me a world of good.
00:36:15 #753 Do your teleponing, Richard.
00:36:18 #754 Well, Madeline gets out of your traveling pose and does something more comfortable.
00:36:21 #755 Yes, it won't take you but a moment.
00:36:22 #756 And, Dickie, I bought a new lace knighty yesterday that's positively indecent.
00:36:27 #757 Where do you see it?
00:36:29 #758 Where are you going?
00:36:42 #759 Oh, I don't know. Oh, I was going down to see if the front door was locked.
00:36:45 #760 You know Andrew's all wishlocks.
00:36:47 #761 Oh, well, I thought tonight he might have forgotten it.
00:36:49 #762 Richard's man, after all you promised Madeline, are you planning to desert her?
00:36:54 #763 Desert her? Why?
00:36:55 #764 Well, no.
00:36:57 #765 Her first evening home in two months, and you...
00:37:01 #766 Richard, have you no human feelings at all?
00:37:05 #767 That's just the trouble.
00:37:07 #768 I'm too human.
00:37:09 #769 A lovely devoted wife like Madeline.
00:37:12 #770 Surely she's entitled to some consideration.
00:37:15 #771 Well, he's a brother elk.
00:37:17 #772 What's that?
00:37:17 #773 What?
00:37:19 #774 A mother you don't understand.
00:37:20 #775 You see, this sudden return, it's been an awful shock,
00:37:22 #776 an awful shock to my whole system.
00:37:23 #777 My throat, my voice.
00:37:24 #778 The throat voice, oh God.
00:37:26 #779 She doesn't want you to sing to her.
00:37:29 #780 But she wants more than anything else in the world.
00:37:31 #781 It's a nice, long talk with you.
00:37:34 #782 Oh, if I could depend on that.
00:37:36 #783 Now, Richard, don't delay your telephoning another minute.
00:37:39 #784 What telephone? Oh, telephoning.
00:37:40 #785 What was the number?
00:37:43 #786 Good night, Madam, dear.
00:37:45 #787 So glad to have you home again.
00:37:47 #788 Good night, Mother Pleasantry.
00:37:52 #789 Hello, hotel-aster.
00:37:54 #790 Good night, Richard, dear.
00:38:00 #791 Huh? Yes. Good night.
00:38:06 #792 Hello, Hotel Aster?
00:38:08 #793 Will you get Mr. Richard Smith?
00:38:10 #794 Page, Mr. Richard Smith, yes.
00:38:12 #795 Tell him to telephone his home immediately.
00:38:14 #796 Important. Oh, it's vital.
00:38:17 #797 Mr. Richard Smith, thank you.
00:38:19 #798 Tired, sweetheart?
00:38:35 #799 Tired? I never was so tired in all my...
00:38:44 #800 Please come out of that doorway, will you?
00:38:51 #801 Have you been a good boy since I've been away?
00:38:52 #802 Oh, I'm in more danger right now
00:38:54 #803 than I have been in the past two months.
00:38:57 #804 Please, please go away and let me die or go crazy or something.
00:39:00 #805 Go away?
00:39:02 #806 Dicky, you're not well.
00:39:03 #807 Don't you suppose I know it?
00:39:04 #808 Haven't I been telling you that for the past half hour in those very words?
00:39:08 #809 That telephone didn't ring, did it?
00:39:09 #810 No, dear.
00:39:10 #811 I'm afraid you've been doing too much brain work.
00:39:13 #812 That's it. It's my brain. It's on fire. It's fever. I can't think. You can't think?
00:39:17 #813 No.
00:39:17 #814 Yes. The only things I can think of are the things that I shouldn't.
00:39:23 #815 That wasn't the telephone bell then, was it?
00:39:24 #816 Dicky, you're trembling all over.
00:39:26 #817 I'm liable to go to pieces any moment.
00:39:28 #818 The telephone isn't out of order, is it?
00:39:30 #819 Oh, Father, the old phone. Thank goodness I've arrived
00:39:32 #820 in time to prevent another nervous breakdown
00:39:34 #821 like you had last year.
00:39:35 #822 That's it. Nervous combustion.
00:39:37 #823 I've been trying to keep it from you.
00:39:39 #824 Stand for an ambulance quick.
00:39:41 #825 Ambulance? Nothing. I'm going to take care of you myself.
00:39:43 #826 Now, come on.
00:39:44 #827 Now, the first thing to do is to put you to bed.
00:39:47 #828 That is the last thing.
00:39:49 #829 Now, don't argue, dear.
00:39:53 #830 Now, I'm going to give you a nice old-fashioned alcohol rubdown.
00:39:56 #831 I should have alcohol rubbed down.
00:39:57 #832 No, no, no, no, no.
00:39:58 #833 I couldn't stand it.
00:40:00 #834 Oh, come on. Now, come on.
00:40:02 #835 Now, Madeline knows best.
00:40:04 #836 Now put your head right down here.
00:40:06 #837 There, put your little head right down here. No, no, no. I'm afraid. You're afraid?
00:40:09 #838 Yes, I'm afraid.
00:40:10 #839 You might catch my cold.
00:40:11 #840 Oh, bother you, old co.
00:40:13 #841 Now, Madeline knows how to take care of her, Dickie Bird. Come on.
00:40:16 #842 Put your little head right down there. Come on.
00:40:18 #843 My poor, nervous Dickie Boy.
00:40:22 #844 Now, before anything else, sweetheart,
00:40:24 #845 that great big homecoming kiss. Never. Oh, yes. Oh, now come on. Now come on. Now come
00:40:32 #846 on. There. Too late. Did you get your call? No, I guess my mother-in-law must have gone
00:41:30 #847 to bed. Oh, you're married too. Very happily. That's the reason I so thoroughly disapprove
00:41:36 #848 of divorce especially in this state what do you mean well you see in order to
00:41:40 #849 procure a divorce in this state you must have evidence but kind of evidence well
00:41:45 #850 evidence of a very serious nature how serious well you see you must produce
00:41:53 #851 evidence that your husband has been there has been that is to say you must
00:41:59 #852 explain that you have discovered him and not only him but I don't know what
00:42:08 #853 What do you mean, Mr. Smith?
00:42:10 #854 You have to get the goods on him.
00:42:12 #855 In other words, you have to prove that he has a...
00:42:17 #856 Where do you come from, Miss O'Dea?
00:42:20 #857 I came from South Dakota.
00:42:22 #858 Oh, I don't blame you.
00:42:27 #859 Well, out in South Dakota, don't they ever, ever...
00:42:32 #860 Ever what, Mr. Smith?
00:42:34 #861 No, none of us going to South Dakota.
00:42:36 #862 Made us as well stay here.
00:42:40 #863 Did you ever see a bedroom farce?
00:42:43 #864 Oh, you mean the kind where the wrong man hides under the bed?
00:42:46 #865 At a girl.
00:42:46 #866 And now we're getting on.
00:42:49 #867 Only in this case, you see, the wrong man must not only be...
00:42:53 #868 but...
00:42:56 #869 But what, Mr. Smith?
00:42:57 #870 Oh, really, really.
00:42:58 #871 There's no use of our talking until we can find an interpreter.
00:43:02 #872 Or until we get to know each other better.
00:43:04 #873 Oh, here's your friend.
00:43:05 #874 Well, well, here you are.
00:43:07 #875 I've been looking everywhere for you.
00:43:09 #876 Just in time.
00:43:10 #877 Won't you sit down?
00:43:11 #878 Oh, not Miss Morse.
00:43:13 #879 Didn't you say something about the Whoopie Club?
00:43:16 #880 Diane's never been up on the roof there, have you, darling?
00:43:20 #881 Oh, my husband never takes me anyplace.
00:43:22 #882 Oh, you poor girl.
00:43:24 #883 Well, Mrs. Smith is going to fix all that, aren't you?
00:43:28 #884 Fix the roof?
00:43:29 #885 Oh, oh, oh. Oh, my goodness.
00:43:30 #886 What a man.
00:43:32 #887 Well, we'll start on the roof.
00:43:34 #888 And finish in the gutter.
00:43:35 #889 Oh, Mr. Smith.
00:43:49 #890 Andrews.
00:43:50 #891 Hey, pardon me.
00:43:52 #892 You're paralyzed.
00:43:53 #893 Not paralyzed. Can't you see me moving?
00:43:55 #894 Where are you going?
00:43:56 #895 Give this to the tailor. He's waiting.
00:43:58 #896 Ah!
00:44:13 #897 Good morning, dear.
00:44:14 #898 I hope I'm not disturbing you.
00:44:16 #899 Not at all, Mother.
00:44:17 #900 Oh, I'm just dying to have a little talk with you.
00:44:20 #901 How did Dickie like his little surprise?
00:44:22 #902 Oh, Mother!
00:44:24 #903 If you only knew...
00:44:26 #904 Oh, then you really have something to tell me.
00:44:28 #905 I'll tell the world I have.
00:44:30 #906 Oh, never mind the world. Tell me.
00:44:33 #907 Was Dickie glad to have you home again?
00:44:35 #908 Glad he was beside himself.
00:44:38 #909 Oh, Mother, this is going to be the turning point
00:44:40 #910 in Dickie's married life.
00:44:41 #911 Oh, lovely.
00:44:42 #912 Wait till I tell you everything.
00:44:44 #913 Oh, I'm so happy.
00:44:46 #914 I'm just going to congratulate Dickie.
00:44:48 #915 No, I wouldn't do that.
00:44:49 #916 Don't disturb him.
00:44:51 #917 He's napping.
00:44:52 #918 Shall I have your breakfast served here in the room?
00:44:54 #919 No.
00:44:55 #920 I'm going for a walk before breakfast this morning.
00:44:58 #921 I feel as if the world is mine.
00:45:01 #922 At last I have what I've been hoping for.
00:45:03 #923 You have?
00:45:05 #924 How does he?
00:45:05 #925 A hold on my husband that he'll never be able to break.
00:45:08 #926 Oh, you dumb!
00:45:11 #927 P-tuh-tuh!
00:45:16 #928 P-tuh-tuh-tuh!
00:45:28 #929 Very idea at this time of the morning, dumb.
00:45:32 #930 When Mr. Smith wiggins, he'll attend to you, my man.
00:45:36 #931 My man, indeed.
00:45:38 #932 In my man, I'm nobody's man but my own.
00:45:46 #933 Good morning, Mr. Smith.
00:45:47 #934 What's good about it?
00:45:50 #935 Hey, didn't you sleep well, sir?
00:45:51 #936 I didn't sleep one wink the whole night long.
00:45:54 #937 Who'd have locked my door?
00:45:55 #938 It wasn't a devil, sir.
00:45:57 #939 It was Mrs. Mantle.
00:45:58 #940 Oh, what time is it?
00:46:00 #941 9 o'clock.
00:46:02 #942 I've got to get out of here.
00:46:04 #943 Where's my coat?
00:46:05 #944 Well, I just gave it to the tailor, sir.
00:46:07 #945 He brought back your other dressing gown.
00:46:09 #946 A dressing gown won't help me.
00:46:10 #947 I want my coat.
00:46:12 #948 You don't seem to be yourself this morning, sir.
00:46:14 #949 I'm not.
00:46:15 #950 Perhaps you need something to eat.
00:46:17 #951 Won't you have your breakfast now, sir?
00:46:19 #952 Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:46:21 #953 anything to keep you quiet.
00:46:22 #954 Where's the dining room?
00:46:26 #955 What, sir?
00:46:27 #956 I said where is it?
00:46:28 #957 In the dining room?
00:46:30 #958 Yeah, yes sir.
00:46:32 #959 Breakfast in the dining room.
00:46:33 #960 It's not being served in the cold cellar.
00:46:35 #961 Well, I don't want to go in the dining room.
00:46:37 #962 I want you to get me a cup of coffee
00:46:39 #963 and some cracked ice and some white rock.
00:46:41 #964 And don't stand there gaping at me like that. Put that thing down.
00:46:43 #965 Hurry.
00:46:44 #966 Yes.
00:46:47 #967 Wait. Yes.
00:46:50 #968 Don't rush out on me like that before I finish talking to you.
00:46:53 #969 Where is Mrs. Smith and Mrs. The other one, my mother-in-law?
00:46:58 #970 You mean Mrs. Mantle?
00:47:00 #971 Yes.
00:47:01 #972 She's going upstairs.
00:47:03 #973 And if you please say.
00:47:04 #974 No, I don't please.
00:47:05 #975 You get my coffee and my coat.
00:47:08 #976 Yes, yes.
00:47:08 #977 Wait.
00:47:10 #978 Yes.
00:47:11 #979 Where can I find a comb and brush?
00:47:15 #980 Have you looked where you always keep them, sir?
00:47:18 #981 have I looked where I always keep them where do I always keep them I'll see if
00:47:22 #982 you have intelligence enough to answer me that why sir in the cabinet in the
00:47:28 #983 dressing room of course yeah why didn't you say so in the first place yes he
00:47:37 #984 must have had a terrible night terrible safe in my home court the safest part of
00:48:55 #985 all hey lady will you pick out some place in Lynn will you please
00:49:08 #986 Please make up your mind.
00:49:15 #987 Keep driving around.
00:49:20 #988 Hey, that ain't the question.
00:49:22 #989 There are hours I've been driving you around.
00:49:24 #990 Say, what's the matter?
00:49:25 #991 Ain't you got no home?
00:49:27 #992 Oh, I can't go home.
00:49:30 #993 My husband will know I've been out all night.
00:49:33 #994 Hey, look, maybe I better drive you to the police station.
00:49:37 #995 No.
00:49:39 #996 I don't know anybody there.
00:49:42 #997 Um, let's see.
00:49:44 #998 See, take me to Mr. Smith.
00:49:48 #999 Oh, Mr. Smith, eh?
00:49:52 #1000 Yeah, any particular one?
00:49:55 #1001 Mr. Richard Smith, my lawyer.
00:50:00 #1002 And where does he live?
00:50:02 #1003 1405 Park Avenue.
00:50:05 #1004 1405 Park?
00:50:07 #1005 Yeah, 14, no.
00:50:10 #1006 One, four, one, five, four, oh.
00:50:15 #1007 One, oh, five, four.
00:50:19 #1008 Either that or four, five, oh, one.
00:50:21 #1009 Hey, lady, will you make up your mind?
00:50:24 #1010 Will you please make up your mind, please?
00:50:41 #1011 Why, Andrews, that's the nicest thing
00:50:44 #1012 you've ever done for me.
00:50:45 #1013 You've guessed exactly what I needed.
00:50:47 #1014 Yes, I didn't guess it, sir.
00:50:50 #1015 You told me to bring it in a motion patient tone.
00:50:54 #1016 You know what?
00:50:55 #1017 In a most imp...
00:50:56 #1018 Asian tone.
00:50:58 #1019 Well then it must have been mental telepathy.
00:51:00 #1020 You know the effect of mind over matter.
00:51:02 #1021 Or else you've been dreaming.
00:51:04 #1022 Yes sir, I'm beginning to think so sir.
00:51:08 #1023 Did they...
00:51:09 #1024 Didn't you find your common brush?
00:51:12 #1025 What common brush?
00:51:14 #1026 Why?
00:51:15 #1027 The one you were looking for.
00:51:17 #1028 Why don't you suppose I know where to find my own common brush?
00:51:20 #1029 Andrews?
00:51:21 #1030 You're drunk.
00:51:23 #1031 A little drunk and I thought so.
00:51:26 #1032 And you dare to admit it.
00:51:28 #1033 You dare to stand there staggering at me at nine o'clock in the morning.
00:51:32 #1034 Well, sir, you see, I've been having a little trouble.
00:51:36 #1035 You've been having a little liquid lightning.
00:51:38 #1036 Only one flash.
00:51:40 #1037 I mean nip, sir.
00:51:41 #1038 Well, quit nipping.
00:51:42 #1039 Do you think you're strong enough to get me some more of this white rock?
00:51:45 #1040 Yes, sir.
00:51:47 #1041 Though I wish you'd have your breakfast, sir.
00:51:50 #1042 I don't see why you don't want to go in the dining room.
00:51:53 #1043 Heh. That's a nice dining room.
00:51:57 #1044 Who said I didn't want to go into the dining room?
00:51:59 #1045 Of course it's a nice dining room. It's my dining room.
00:52:01 #1046 I'd like to see anybody try to keep me out of it.
00:52:03 #1047 Heh. Heh. Heh.
00:52:05 #1048 I'm glad to hear you say that, sir.
00:52:08 #1049 Heh. You do know where it is, don't you?
00:52:11 #1050 Why, certainly. If nobody's moved it. See who that is.
00:52:18 #1051 Yes, yes.
00:52:23 #1052 He must have had a worse night than I expected.
00:52:27 #1053 Much worse.
00:52:43 #1054 Excuse me, sir, but it...
00:52:44 #1055 I don't care who it is. Who the devil drank my coffee?
00:52:51 #1056 Well, you did, sir, before you went in the dining room.
00:52:55 #1057 I wanted to comb my hair.
00:52:57 #1058 But you didn't comb your hair.
00:52:58 #1059 I didn't, didn't I? Are you losing your mind?
00:53:03 #1060 Yes, sir, I... I'm beginning to think so, sir.
00:53:06 #1061 Well, you snap out of it and get me some more coffee.
00:53:08 #1062 Yes, sir, I was just going to, sir.
00:53:11 #1063 When you told me to answer the front doorbell.
00:53:14 #1064 I told you to answer the...
00:53:16 #1065 Well, you're hearing things as well as seeing them.
00:53:19 #1066 Well, I did hear the front doorbell, sir.
00:53:22 #1067 Because there's proof of that.
00:53:24 #1068 I opened it for two young ladies who wanted to see you.
00:53:27 #1069 Two young ladies?
00:53:29 #1070 Yes, sir.
00:53:30 #1071 They're dressed just alike.
00:53:32 #1072 They must be twins.
00:53:33 #1073 Well, I haven't any twins.
00:53:35 #1074 You tell them to come back late this afternoon.
00:53:37 #1075 He ought to be here by then.
00:53:39 #1076 He he oh, oh he well whenever I say he I always mean I haven't you noticed that
00:53:48 #1077 Not yes, sir when you keep it in mind and bring that coffee to my room and some white rock yes
00:53:56 #1078 Nobody knows what a night he must have had
00:54:00 #1079 Nobody
00:54:05 #1080 Andrews don't move so fast. You know you break the speed limit. Oh
00:54:10 #1081 sir you
00:54:12 #1082 You've come back
00:54:14 #1083 You you do want me to
00:54:16 #1084 Go to the front door before I bring your white rock and coffee. Don't you I don't want any more coffee stupid I?
00:54:24 #1085 Told you to answer that front door five minutes ago. What are you been doing walking backwards?
00:54:29 #1086 Yes, sir
00:54:31 #1087 Perhaps I have without without knowing it. You know you've got to cut out this early morning drinking
00:54:37 #1088 Yes, I will
00:54:39 #1089 Indeed I will you'd better
00:54:41 #1090 I'll try and pull myself together, sir.
00:54:44 #1091 And I'll tell the young ladies to call back later.
00:54:47 #1092 What young ladies?
00:54:50 #1093 The twins, sir.
00:54:52 #1094 You said you couldn't see them.
00:54:54 #1095 Andrews, this is getting serious.
00:54:57 #1096 You never said one word to me about twins.
00:55:00 #1097 Didn't I?
00:55:05 #1098 You certainly did not.
00:55:07 #1099 Where are these ladies?
00:55:12 #1100 In the reception room, sir.
00:55:14 #1101 The twins, sir.
00:55:21 #1102 He bird glad I found you you are well, I'm glad somebody's glad
00:55:33 #1103 Where's the rest of you Andrew said you were twins there were two of us sir? I swear there were two of her. Oh, that's nothing
00:55:40 #1104 I've been saying for
00:55:42 #1105 for taxicabs for front doors
00:55:46 #1106 for my old butlers and
00:55:48 #1107 for you little dickie bird. Please
00:55:54 #1108 Don't go Andrews wait
00:55:56 #1109 What do you mean by coming here in a so damn?
00:55:58 #1110 When you told me last night that you have to go home alone,
00:56:01 #1111 didn't I put you in a taxi cab?
00:56:02 #1112 Didn't I get the taxi cab right of your vest?
00:56:04 #1113 Didn't I?
00:56:05 #1114 Well, yes, but...
00:56:06 #1115 And that's the old taxi cab's all parked.
00:56:09 #1116 And it took him ages and ages to get it together again.
00:56:14 #1117 And anyway, I have no money,
00:56:16 #1118 so I'm gonna bring me here.
00:56:18 #1119 He's waiting outside.
00:56:20 #1120 Oh, money?
00:56:22 #1121 Oh, that's all you...
00:56:23 #1122 Oh, well, that's simple.
00:56:24 #1123 That's simple.
00:56:25 #1124 Oh, my, Joe, if I have an ascent left myself.
00:56:27 #1125 Andrews, I have an ascent.
00:56:30 #1126 That's one thing I'm sure of.
00:56:31 #1127 Would you go out in the kitchen and borrow some from the cook?
00:56:33 #1128 She ought to have some.
00:56:34 #1129 She was paid yesterday.
00:56:35 #1130 Yes.
00:56:36 #1131 I hope you know where that kitchen is.
00:56:37 #1132 Yes, sir.
00:56:38 #1133 Well, hurry.
00:56:40 #1134 Yes, sir.
00:56:41 #1135 Oh, Dickie, I'm so relieved.
00:56:43 #1136 Whee!
00:56:44 #1137 Diane, please.
00:56:46 #1138 Oh, I'll have a plate. Now you chase me.
00:56:47 #1139 And please, keep quiet.
00:56:49 #1140 Oh, I'm too happy to be quiet.
00:56:51 #1141 You come down here.
00:56:51 #1142 Now I want to.
00:56:52 #1143 Come down here.
00:56:53 #1144 You come right down.
00:56:55 #1145 I want to come down this minute. No. Come on.
00:56:59 #1146 All right.
00:57:05 #1147 What is this, please?
00:57:06 #1148 A hangover or a fresh start?
00:57:08 #1149 Oh, Dickie Bird, don't be harsh with me.
00:57:11 #1150 Anybody think you're my husband?
00:57:13 #1151 I am always harsh in the morning.
00:57:15 #1152 My loose moments end with breakfast.
00:57:17 #1153 Anything that you have to say to me today
00:57:19 #1154 will come under the head of new business.
00:57:20 #1155 Well, I don't want any new business.
00:57:22 #1156 Old was good enough for me.
00:57:24 #1157 Oh.
00:57:26 #1158 If you please sir, the cook hasn't a nickel.
00:57:29 #1159 Nobody has a nickel.
00:57:31 #1160 I don't want a nickel.
00:57:32 #1161 What good is a nickel?
00:57:33 #1162 Here, you go outside, go outside and find out exactly how
00:57:36 #1163 much the taxi cab bill is.
00:57:38 #1164 Hurry, hurry.
00:57:40 #1165 Oh, what am I going to do? Use that.
00:57:44 #1166 Oui, monsieur. Yes, monsieur.
00:57:45 #1167 Would you like to earn $20? Oui, monsieur.
00:57:47 #1168 Will you get this young lady up to the guest room quickly? Oui, monsieur.
00:57:50 #1169 Don't let anybody see her. No, monsieur.
00:57:51 #1170 She came to see me.
00:57:52 #1171 Now, on business.
00:57:53 #1172 But Mrs. Mantell might not understand.
00:57:55 #1173 No, monsieur, but I understand. Yes. Come, madam. We go.
00:57:58 #1174 No, no, no, I don't want to go upstairs.
00:58:00 #1175 I don't want to go upstairs.
00:58:02 #1176 Upstairs or I spank.
00:58:04 #1177 There you go, remind me of my husband again.
00:58:07 #1178 Oh, poor feelings.
00:58:09 #1179 What are you thinking if I can see me now?
00:58:12 #1180 Madame, we go come on.
00:58:14 #1181 I don't want to go up there.
00:58:17 #1182 That's all right.
00:58:19 #1183 Listen, the bill is $50, and I'm going to get it,
00:58:22 #1184 or I'm going to take it out of somebody's hide.
00:58:23 #1185 Understand?
00:58:24 #1186 Yeah, yeah.
00:58:26 #1187 You'll get your hide.
00:58:28 #1188 I mean your money.
00:58:31 #1189 Here, madame, you will be safe here.
00:58:33 #1190 Negligent, huh?
00:58:42 #1191 The bill is 50 hides, sir.
00:58:45 #1192 I mean dollars.
00:58:46 #1193 We'll see if you can pry it out of Mrs. Mantle, will you?
00:58:49 #1194 Wouldn't it be better if I went to the bank, sir?
00:58:52 #1195 That's a good idea. Go ahead. Yes. You go to the bank. Yes, sir.
00:58:56 #1196 And on your way to the bank,
00:58:57 #1197 will something got spilled on my coat last night.
00:58:59 #1198 Drop in and leave it at the tailor's for me, will you?
00:59:04 #1199 Here.
00:59:06 #1200 Your coat?
00:59:07 #1201 Yes, my coat.
00:59:09 #1202 What's the matter with it? It won't bite you.
00:59:12 #1203 But I...
00:59:13 #1204 I...
00:59:14 #1205 I gave it to the tailor.
00:59:16 #1206 About half hour ago, sir.
00:59:18 #1207 You gave him my coat?
00:59:21 #1208 Yes, sir.
00:59:22 #1209 I gave you your coat.
00:59:24 #1210 And I'm going back!
00:59:29 #1211 Come, come, come. Pull yourself together, old man.
00:59:32 #1212 I can't, sir.
00:59:33 #1213 I... I seem to have lost all control.
00:59:37 #1214 I'd be getting to see them.
00:59:39 #1215 There. There.
00:59:41 #1216 I'm afraid they'll get me.
00:59:44 #1217 I've got to go somewhere.
00:59:46 #1218 I've got to do something.
00:59:48 #1219 I can't stand it. I can't stand it. I can't stand it.
00:59:53 #1220 Die-Eye!
01:00:08 #1221 Well, I can't go home with Felix in a dress like this this time of the morning, can I?
01:00:20 #1222 No.
01:00:21 #1223 Say, you go home and get me a dress.
01:00:24 #1224 All right, all right. I'll be back in a jiffy.
01:00:27 #1225 Fine.
01:00:31 #1226 Bitches.
01:00:32 #1227 Oh, hello, mother. How are you?
01:00:34 #1228 I'm perfectly well.
01:00:36 #1229 Well, that's well.
01:00:38 #1230 Where, you see?
01:00:40 #1231 Just getting ready to go to work.
01:00:42 #1232 Work? Oh, I never dreamed you wanted to go to work this morning after what happened last night.
01:00:47 #1233 Why, what do you know about last night?
01:00:49 #1234 Not very much, but I can guess, count I.
01:00:51 #1235 Oh, yes, yes, you can guess. You're some little guesser.
01:00:54 #1236 Richard, I'm afraid you're going to be angry with me.
01:00:57 #1237 But I meant it all for the best.
01:01:00 #1238 You met what for the best?
01:01:01 #1239 When I locked you in last night.
01:01:03 #1240 You locked me in?
01:01:05 #1241 You were acting a bit strangely.
01:01:07 #1242 You seemed nervous and excited.
01:01:09 #1243 So I decided to give you a dose of prevention.
01:01:12 #1244 So after you went to bed, I locked all the doors
01:01:15 #1245 and took the keys upstairs with me.
01:01:18 #1246 You locked all the doors after I went to bed?
01:01:21 #1247 Oh, well then I couldn't have gotten out.
01:01:23 #1248 I couldn't have gotten out even if I wanted to.
01:01:25 #1249 Of course you couldn't, Richard.
01:01:26 #1250 And I was in there all night.
01:01:29 #1251 You're...
01:01:32 #1252 Are you ill again?
01:01:33 #1253 No, Mother. No, I'm better.
01:01:34 #1254 All... I'm much better.
01:01:36 #1255 Oh, what a joke.
01:01:38 #1256 Locked in cold storage all night, Mother.
01:01:40 #1257 You are simply priceless.
01:01:43 #1258 Who are you waiting for?
01:01:44 #1259 Nothing, Mother. Nothing. Nothing.
01:01:46 #1260 In fact, less than nothing.
01:01:47 #1261 I'm simply waving at myself.
01:01:49 #1262 Oh, you're absurd, Richard.
01:01:51 #1263 I am, Mother. I'm more than absurd.
01:01:53 #1264 I'm positively hilarious.
01:01:56 #1265 Oh, now.
01:01:57 #1266 Now I understand what was the matter with poor old Andrews.
01:02:00 #1267 Oh, he must have been seeing things with a vengeance.
01:02:04 #1268 Andrews condition is no laughing.
01:02:06 #1269 I can't help it, Father.
01:02:07 #1270 I can't help it.
01:02:08 #1271 You'd laugh too if you knew what I knew.
01:02:10 #1272 No, no, no, no, you wouldn't.
01:02:12 #1273 Why not?
01:02:13 #1274 Don't you think I can appreciate a joke?
01:02:15 #1275 Go on, tell me.
01:02:16 #1276 No, it's a secret.
01:02:18 #1277 And if I told you, it'd be no joke.
01:02:20 #1278 Oh, well, don't catalyze me, Richard.
01:02:23 #1279 It's about you.
01:02:24 #1280 Rather.
01:02:26 #1281 Is there someone else?
01:02:28 #1282 Oh, decidedly someone else.
01:02:31 #1283 And then, is there another someone mixed up in a two?
01:02:34 #1284 No, no, not exactly.
01:02:36 #1285 Well, well, not yet anyway.
01:02:38 #1286 Not yet? Oh, I knew it.
01:02:42 #1287 The secret is about you and someone else.
01:02:45 #1288 And then another someone mixed up in it a little later.
01:02:49 #1289 Oh, you've had a letter from Madeline.
01:02:51 #1290 Oh, I had a letter.
01:02:53 #1291 Oh, you dear ridiculous fellow.
01:02:56 #1292 I don't blame you for being hilarious.
01:02:59 #1293 I'm a bit hilarious, but...
01:03:02 #1294 Mother, what is it that you think you know?
01:03:07 #1295 I don't think any longer. I'm sure.
01:03:19 #1296 I'm sure.
01:03:23 #1297 I don't think any longer, I'm sure.
01:03:27 #1298 Ha.
01:03:28 #1299 Pigeon-patter, pigeon-patter.
01:03:31 #1300 Pigeon-patter, pigeon-patter, pigeon-patter.
01:03:34 #1301 Oh, did this all heal them?
01:03:40 #1302 No.
01:03:44 #1303 If you're doing that for me, you can stop.
01:03:48 #1304 I want my coat.
01:03:49 #1305 All right, child.
01:03:55 #1306 How can you think of coats at a time like this?
01:03:58 #1307 Baby coatties, perhaps, and little booties.
01:04:03 #1308 She's crazy.
01:04:14 #1309 Has she gone crazy too?
01:04:16 #1310 There's something to matter with her.
01:04:18 #1311 Give us some air. Give us some air.
01:04:20 #1312 Will I take her out to it?
01:04:22 #1313 Or bring it into her?
01:04:24 #1314 Don't talk like a fool.
01:04:26 #1315 Get her something to bring her back to herself.
01:04:28 #1316 Yes, sir.
01:04:30 #1317 Now you're talking, sir.
01:04:32 #1318 You have a good rest, sir?
01:04:39 #1319 Say, I'll never rest again until I get even with that.
01:04:42 #1320 Say, how would you like to pick up $50?
01:04:55 #1321 Oh, Monsieur.
01:04:56 #1322 All I want you to do is to kiss me the next time you see me and Mrs. Mantle alone together.
01:05:02 #1323 And for what is you when Madame Montel see?
01:05:05 #1324 Well, it's a practical joke, you see, to get even with somebody for laughing at me.
01:05:10 #1325 Oh, and will Madame Montel laugh?
01:05:13 #1326 Will she laugh? Say, I'll laugh myself.
01:05:16 #1327 Oh, well, for $50.
01:05:20 #1328 Uh-huh.
01:05:21 #1329 But suppose I lose my position.
01:05:23 #1330 Oh, don't worry.
01:05:24 #1331 You lose this one.
01:05:25 #1332 I'll get you a better one.
01:05:26 #1333 Now, is it a go?
01:05:27 #1334 Oh, no, Monsieur.
01:05:29 #1335 It is a quiche.
01:05:31 #1336 The next time I see you with Madame Mantelle, huh?
01:05:34 #1337 You won't forget.
01:05:35 #1338 Oh, ah, could I?
01:05:37 #1339 Oh, excuse me, sir.
01:05:49 #1340 But I forgot to give you the money.
01:05:51 #1341 Money?
01:05:52 #1342 What money?
01:05:55 #1343 Why?
01:05:56 #1344 The money you totally get for the young lady upstairs.
01:06:00 #1345 Don't you remember, sir?
01:06:01 #1346 Oh, take it. Take it.
01:06:03 #1347 Don't say that I haven't been at the bank, sir.
01:06:06 #1348 Don't tell me it isn't real money.
01:06:08 #1349 I can't stand any more of it.
01:06:10 #1350 All right, all right, all right.
01:06:11 #1351 It'll relieve your mind. I'll take it.
01:06:13 #1352 I've earned it.
01:06:15 #1353 What'll I do with this, sir?
01:06:16 #1354 Drink it yourself.
01:06:17 #1355 Give me that money. Not on your life.
01:06:40 #1356 What do you mean by staying out all night?
01:06:42 #1357 Shut up. You talk like a mother-in-law.
01:06:43 #1358 You realize that I was locked up in that room all night long?
01:06:45 #1359 room all night long. Well I'm sorry Mrs. Mantle locked you up but what's so funny
01:06:50 #1360 about that? Why don't you think it's funny? Funny? Say what kind of a man are you?
01:06:54 #1361 Locked up all alone? You don't know. You don't know. I know you've given me a
01:06:59 #1362 marvelous joke on my mother-law. I can't tell her about it but I'll laugh every
01:07:03 #1363 time I think of it. Thanks again. You can go now. Not yet. What's that?
01:07:10 #1364 I'm not going to leave this house until I get my big laugh.
01:07:13 #1365 It'll cost me $50 and I want to be here to enjoy it.
01:07:16 #1366 Ha.
01:07:18 #1367 Wait a minute, wait a minute. What are you talking about?
01:07:24 #1368 Richard.
01:07:25 #1369 Mother, why don't you go upstairs and take a nap?
01:07:30 #1370 A good long nap. You ought to be laid out somewhere.
01:07:33 #1371 Layed out?
01:07:34 #1372 Oh, my God.
01:07:36 #1373 Oh, my word. Stop this. Stop it. Stop it.
01:07:41 #1374 What do you think I am? A lollipop?
01:07:45 #1375 A shameless creature.
01:07:47 #1376 Who ordered this?
01:07:48 #1377 What is the joke? Why she do not laugh?
01:07:52 #1378 Why she do not laugh?
01:07:53 #1379 You can figure that out while you're packing your trunk.
01:07:56 #1380 I knew she was French, but I made allowances for that.
01:07:59 #1381 Why kiss Mr. Smith under my very nose?
01:08:01 #1382 Pardon me, Mother, under my very nose.
01:08:03 #1383 You told me to.
01:08:04 #1384 I never did.
01:08:06 #1385 Yes, you lie. You promised me $50.
01:08:09 #1386 $50? What are you talking about? $50 is too much for any woman.
01:08:12 #1387 What is this, a badger game?
01:08:13 #1388 You don't stay in this house another minute.
01:08:15 #1389 Not a minute.
01:08:16 #1390 No?
01:08:16 #1391 Then he has to give me another job.
01:08:18 #1392 You promise?
01:08:19 #1393 I promise.
01:08:20 #1394 I never promised.
01:08:21 #1395 I never.
01:08:22 #1396 Oh, I have a very good idea who did.
01:08:26 #1397 You go on.
01:08:27 #1398 You get out of here.
01:08:28 #1399 Get out.
01:08:36 #1400 I resent that.
01:08:37 #1401 Richard, how did she say that?
01:08:39 #1402 Oh, she sent you her best regards.
01:08:42 #1403 Richard's man?
01:08:43 #1404 Yes?
01:08:44 #1405 Are you quite sure you didn't ask her to kiss you?
01:08:46 #1406 Mother, I don't have to ask to be kissed.
01:08:48 #1407 What?
01:08:49 #1408 I have my own dear sweet little wife, yes.
01:08:53 #1409 Oh, and she'd understand if she were home.
01:08:55 #1410 You can tell her when she comes in.
01:08:57 #1411 She'll be home in a minute.
01:08:58 #1412 Home? I don't believe it.
01:09:00 #1413 Well, you just wait here and see.
01:09:02 #1414 Come on, you've got to get out. My wife is coming.
01:09:09 #1415 Wait a minute. In a minute. The minute will be too late.
01:09:12 #1416 Now, don't get excited, Mother. Just leave everything to me.
01:09:14 #1417 Wait, wait. I can't go out and sleep with this.
01:09:18 #1418 Well, I go out with mine every day.
01:09:19 #1419 But if you're so fussy, there. Outside.
01:09:22 #1420 Thinking.
01:09:27 #1421 Oh, darling, you have come home.
01:09:31 #1422 Well, well, well.
01:09:33 #1423 Dicky boy!
01:09:35 #1424 Didn't you expect me?
01:09:36 #1425 No, yes, of course, of course, but not so soon.
01:09:39 #1426 Or if you only had any idea of how lonely I was then.
01:09:42 #1427 Oh, Dicky.
01:09:46 #1428 Is this gentleman a friend of yours?
01:09:47 #1429 Why, no, he's no gentleman.
01:09:50 #1430 He's no friend.
01:09:51 #1431 It's Mr. Zero.
01:09:52 #1432 Mr. Zero, yes.
01:09:53 #1433 My wife, Mrs. Smith.
01:09:54 #1434 And Mrs. Mantle, my wife's mother.
01:09:57 #1435 I'm delighted.
01:09:58 #1436 Mr. Zero is the famous vaudeville artist.
01:10:01 #1437 Aw, I've heard of you.
01:10:03 #1438 Oh, thank you.
01:10:04 #1439 He has done me the honor to want to add me to his list of impersonations.
01:10:08 #1440 Oh, no doubt he does it to perfection.
01:10:10 #1441 Oh, how wonderful.
01:10:12 #1442 Breakfast is ready.
01:10:13 #1443 If you want it, come and get it.
01:10:16 #1444 Oh, won't you have breakfast with us?
01:10:18 #1445 Why, delighted if I'm not intruding.
01:10:20 #1446 Oh, no.
01:10:22 #1447 My husband's friends are my friends.
01:10:24 #1448 Oh, yes, indeed.
01:10:26 #1449 But at a time like this, I understand
01:10:28 #1450 you've just returned home from a vacation.
01:10:30 #1451 Oh, that's perfectly all right.
01:10:34 #1452 You've no idea, dear, how glad I am to see you.
01:10:37 #1453 Why didn't you let me know you were coming?
01:10:39 #1454 I wanted to surprise you.
01:10:40 #1455 You did.
01:10:41 #1456 Oh, I shall never forget the look on your face
01:10:44 #1457 when I walked in last night.
01:10:46 #1458 Last night?
01:10:54 #1459 Come, Mr. Ziddle.
01:11:02 #1460 Coming, darling?
01:11:03 #1461 Last night?
01:11:08 #1462 Dickie, darling.
01:11:08 #1463 Dickie, what's wrong? Why, what happened?
01:11:12 #1464 Dickie, come on, dear. What is it?
01:11:15 #1465 Oh, my poor darling, you're ruined. I mean, our home is ruined.
01:11:19 #1466 Why, my poor Richard, and you sing so well this morning when you first woke up.
01:11:25 #1467 Oh, hold me. I'm going to faint again. I know I'm going to faint.
01:11:28 #1468 Oh, what you need is another old-fashioned rubdown like I gave you last night.
01:11:34 #1469 Oh, I want to die. I want to die. Please, please.
01:11:36 #1470 He can fool yourself. Let me help you to the couch.
01:11:39 #1471 No, no, I'm... I can't believe it.
01:11:40 #1472 Now come on here. Come on.
01:11:42 #1473 Oh, men, you're a darling.
01:11:44 #1474 Now you hurry and get into this and let's get out of here.
01:11:46 #1475 Oh, here you can have this, sweetie.
01:11:49 #1476 I never want to see it again.
01:11:51 #1477 Oh, merci beaucoup, madame. No.
01:11:53 #1478 Now come on, come on.
01:11:54 #1479 Come on, like a good boy.
01:11:55 #1480 There. Now, everything's all right.
01:11:58 #1481 All right. Oh, my poor Madeline.
01:12:01 #1482 No, you're happy Madeline, dear.
01:12:03 #1483 Now tell me just what's troubling you, darling.
01:12:06 #1484 Oh, you don't know what you're asking.
01:12:08 #1485 Is it so serious?
01:12:10 #1486 You know, I could see last night the moment I saw you that you want yourself.
01:12:14 #1487 You could see that?
01:12:16 #1488 Yes, you were different.
01:12:18 #1489 Oh, awfully nice, darling. Oh, awfully, awfully nice.
01:12:21 #1490 But different.
01:12:23 #1491 Well, how different?
01:12:25 #1492 Well, I've always known you were impulsive.
01:12:27 #1493 But last night, oh, in spite of your cold, the way you kissed me...
01:12:33 #1494 Oh.
01:12:35 #1495 You feel so badly, sweetheart?
01:12:37 #1496 Just dying. That's all. Just dying.
01:12:39 #1497 Oh, my poor, nervous, dicky boy.
01:12:42 #1498 Perhaps I kept you awake too late.
01:12:44 #1499 Oh.
01:12:45 #1500 But then I had so much to tell you.
01:12:47 #1501 Yes. Yes, I suppose you did.
01:12:49 #1502 You suppose? Don't you remember?
01:12:51 #1503 No. Yeah, oh, the joy of having you back there.
01:12:55 #1504 They had just a little bit hazy. That's all.
01:12:57 #1505 Maybe I put too much whiskey in your hot drink.
01:13:00 #1506 Did you give me a hot drink last night?
01:13:02 #1507 Of course, darling.
01:13:03 #1508 after I had you all comfortable and safely covered up.
01:13:06 #1509 Covered up? Oh, I'm just losing my mind, that's all.
01:13:10 #1510 Madeline, go ahead.
01:13:12 #1511 Tell me, tell me what happened.
01:13:14 #1512 What, what, what did I do?
01:13:16 #1513 Oh, Dickie, what didn't you do?
01:13:18 #1514 Oh.
01:13:20 #1515 You know, I never realized before that you were so versatile.
01:13:24 #1516 Versatile?
01:13:25 #1517 Yes, those imitations you gave.
01:13:27 #1518 Imitations of what?
01:13:28 #1519 Of all sorts of things.
01:13:30 #1520 And the jokes you played.
01:13:31 #1521 Why, Dickie, you are positively skittish.
01:13:34 #1522 Skittish?
01:13:36 #1523 Oh, my.
01:13:38 #1524 Go on, Madeline.
01:13:39 #1525 Tell me everything.
01:13:40 #1526 Why, Dickie, you must know as well as I do.
01:13:44 #1527 What was that lovely little Swiss lullaby you sang?
01:13:49 #1528 Swiss lullaby.
01:13:50 #1529 Yes, the one you yodeled to me.
01:13:53 #1530 Yodeled?
01:13:55 #1531 Oh, my word, I yodeled.
01:13:58 #1532 Oh, you must yodel again for me often.
01:14:00 #1533 Now that I know you do it so well.
01:14:04 #1534 This is the end.
01:14:05 #1535 What nonsense, darling.
01:14:06 #1536 Well, I fixed you up last night and I'll do it again.
01:14:09 #1537 I'll make sure Bracers only your Madeline knows how,
01:14:11 #1538 and then we'll go for a nice long drive in the country.
01:14:14 #1539 You won't try to work today, will you?
01:14:17 #1540 Work?
01:14:18 #1541 After the vaudeville show I gave last night?
01:14:21 #1542 Oh, no. Now you must rest.
01:14:23 #1543 And then we'll don't forget
01:14:24 #1544 all the lovely things we plan to do today.
01:14:31 #1545 Oh dear, dear, dear.
01:14:34 #1546 Last night, last night, last night.
01:14:38 #1547 Tom, you yodeled to her, did you?
01:14:47 #1548 Well, she liked it, didn't she?
01:14:48 #1549 I'll say she did.
01:14:49 #1550 She wants me to yodel again and often, and I can't.
01:14:52 #1551 Oh, you fiend!
01:14:53 #1552 You, you, you howl!
01:14:55 #1553 Well, I liked that.
01:14:57 #1554 After all the trouble I took not to give you away.
01:14:59 #1555 Why, she never for a moment suspected the difference.
01:15:02 #1556 What?
01:15:03 #1557 You didn't tell her you weren't home last night.
01:15:05 #1558 That's a fine question.
01:15:06 #1559 Well, then everything is all right.
01:15:08 #1560 All right!
01:15:09 #1561 All right. I knew just how to handle the situation. I behaved exactly as you would have.
01:15:14 #1562 You knew how to handle the situation. You knew how to handle the situation by being skittish, by telling her stories at midnight, just for a start.
01:15:22 #1563 Well, I have to do something to pass the time you asked me to impersonate you.
01:15:26 #1564 No excuse for you kissing her, Zero.
01:15:28 #1565 But I was you.
01:15:29 #1566 But I'm her husband.
01:15:31 #1567 Well, so was I.
01:15:32 #1568 Oh!
01:15:34 #1569 Put something into my hand.
01:15:36 #1570 You want to know exactly what happened last night.
01:15:42 #1571 Well, what do you think?
01:15:44 #1572 I can't think. I'm going mad.
01:15:46 #1573 Ha, ha, ha.
01:15:48 #1574 I'm arguing about how fair.
01:15:50 #1575 Vicky!
01:15:51 #1576 Yes, dear?
01:15:53 #1577 Shut up. She means me.
01:15:55 #1578 How do you know?
01:15:56 #1579 For that I murder you.
01:15:57 #1580 Yeah, they drink this.
01:15:58 #1581 It's what made you feel so good last night.
01:16:00 #1582 Oh!
01:16:02 #1583 I'm going mad.
01:16:04 #1584 What's happened?
01:16:06 #1585 Don't you go away from here.
01:16:08 #1586 Perhaps I better.
01:16:12 #1587 perhaps I bet I think so you'll excuse me oh yes thank you well what have you done
01:16:28 #1588 to her she's painted painted who is this as big as new secretary secretary and who
01:16:38 #1589 was this my wife your wife what was she doing here listening she knows
01:16:43 #1590 everything she's coming to go to her how long has she been here long enough to
01:16:55 #1591 hear everything I'm shooting the wrong man poor girl well do you feel any
01:17:15 #1592 better I don't know I have made up my mind well I'm glad you come back because I
01:17:19 #1593 think it's about time you were told the truth about everything yes that's what I
01:17:21 #1594 want the truth and the whole truth about everything well now that we're here we
01:17:32 #1595 can talk this thing over calmly we might as well all sit down sit down there I
01:17:36 #1596 will not sit down take ease it down I'm rested now Richard I want you to know
01:17:42 #1597 Mrs. Zero Mrs. Your wife why certainly oh I'm glad to meet you now to begin
01:17:55 #1598 with you that were you going I have been discharged my dad discharged who discharged
01:18:00 #1599 you this lady I had to her friends breaking out something awful our friends
01:18:05 #1600 breaking out well if you must know the truth she became so reason as to kiss
01:18:09 #1601 the key right in front of me it only to for $50 that is a lie I did nothing of
01:18:14 #1602 a kind all going to tell the truth I may as well confess it was I who did it you
01:18:19 #1603 I never saw you before.
01:18:21 #1604 It was he!
01:18:22 #1605 Wait a minute. What is this?
01:18:24 #1606 That is a dress, madame.
01:18:26 #1607 Well, I can see it's a dress. Let me look at it.
01:18:28 #1608 Fine, Madeline. This must be one of yours.
01:18:32 #1609 I will never hide it, please.
01:18:35 #1610 I am going to call an officer.
01:18:37 #1611 Oh, mother. Oh, think of the neighbors.
01:18:39 #1612 Oh, no, madame. It was given to me.
01:18:41 #1613 Who gave it to you?
01:18:42 #1614 This lady.
01:18:43 #1615 She gave it to you? Ha, ha, ha. That's a good one.
01:18:46 #1616 Ha, ha, ha. It's you not, madame.
01:18:48 #1617 Not my gun why I never saw it before in my life. Oh get the girl out of here what
01:18:53 #1618 difference does it make where she got it it doesn't belong to any of you but why
01:18:56 #1619 should she insist that you gave it to her well how do I know that's what I'd
01:19:00 #1620 like to know maybe Andrews can help us Andrews could do nothing of the kind but
01:19:03 #1621 there's no harm in asking me sweet why ask a dumb person now we'll all hear
01:19:08 #1622 something you're hearing them yes Andrews have you ever seen this lady before
01:19:14 #1623 Yes ma'am, two of her.
01:19:16 #1624 Two of her?
01:19:17 #1625 Twice.
01:19:18 #1626 When and where did you see her?
01:19:21 #1627 Shall I tell the truth, Mr. Smith?
01:19:24 #1628 Why, of course you fool.
01:19:26 #1629 She called this morning.
01:19:30 #1630 In fact, I let her in.
01:19:31 #1631 Well, well, there you are, you see.
01:19:33 #1632 Somebody had to let her in.
01:19:35 #1633 Had you ever seen her before that?
01:19:38 #1634 Yes, last night.
01:19:40 #1635 And if he asked me, it was a worse night in history.
01:19:43 #1636 Last night is not for my business.
01:19:45 #1637 But is not for my damn coming of this morning in this gang?
01:19:47 #1638 gone. You said let me see that dress when I see that why Diane this is one of
01:19:59 #1639 yours. Oh you little home buddy you weren't home at all last night no who were
01:20:06 #1640 you out with. Who were you out with. Tell me. I was out with him so.
01:20:15 #1641 Oh.
01:20:16 #1642 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:20:19 #1643 You scoundrel.
01:20:21 #1644 Why, how perfectly ridiculous.
01:20:23 #1645 How could I possibly be out with her?
01:20:25 #1646 Wasn't I locked up with you in that room the whole night long?
01:20:27 #1647 No. I knew from the very first it wasn't you.
01:20:30 #1648 Yes.
01:20:31 #1649 You knew. And yet you let him stay?
01:20:34 #1650 Oh, you female of the species.
01:20:38 #1651 And you, you'll pay for this.
01:20:40 #1652 Wait, wait. Let me explain.
01:20:42 #1653 Explain.
01:20:43 #1654 Please, please.
01:20:45 #1655 Stop it, stop it.
01:21:01 #1656 Next time he comes around, stop it.
01:21:09 #1657 Did you hear what he said?
01:21:10 #1658 Why don't you stop him?
01:21:11 #1659 Stop him.
01:21:32 #1660 What?
01:21:33 #1661 No, no, no, no.
01:21:45 #1662 No, no, no.
01:21:46 #1663 Please, please.
01:21:47 #1664 Stop him.
01:22:07 #1665 You'll do some explaining to me, you.
01:22:12 #1666 No.
01:22:13 #1667 You!
01:22:19 #1668 Open this door!
01:22:20 #1669 What are you doing in there?
01:22:21 #1670 Come on, you've got to get out of here.
01:22:22 #1671 Oh, I'm afraid.
01:22:23 #1672 Well, let me go.
01:22:24 #1673 Well, wait a minute.
01:22:25 #1674 Never mind.
01:22:26 #1675 I'll do it.
01:22:27 #1676 Diane, if you didn't make it, don't tell me.
01:22:38 #1677 You didn't make it. Don't tell me. Did you make it?
01:22:41 #1678 All right.
01:22:44 #1679 No, you don't. No, you don't. Not on me, you don't.
01:22:58 #1680 You got that 50 bucks? No.
01:23:00 #1681 Oh, come on. Back you go.
01:23:04 #1682 Do you hear that crash? He's beating her.
01:23:07 #1683 Courage, Diane. Courage.
01:23:09 #1684 Diane. Diane.
01:23:11 #1685 Courage.
01:23:12 #1686 Hey. You.
01:23:14 #1687 Where have you been?
01:23:25 #1688 Hey, I caught this young lady trying to make a getaway.
01:23:28 #1689 Hey, now wait a minute. Wait a minute.
01:23:30 #1690 She's my friend. She doesn't get out of here until she comes across.
01:23:34 #1691 Say, I've been riding this game around since 12 o'clock last night.
01:23:38 #1692 I picked her up at the Wolfie Club.
01:23:39 #1693 And I was with her.
01:23:41 #1694 Yeah, that's right. You was with her.
01:23:42 #1695 I let you out at the subway station.
01:23:44 #1696 Driver, was there a man along?
01:23:46 #1697 Yes, ma'am.
01:23:47 #1698 Your husband.
01:23:48 #1699 You're fired.
01:23:49 #1700 Fired.
01:23:50 #1701 Oh, I remember him.
01:23:53 #1702 That's the guy that was with him.
01:23:55 #1703 That's the guy I let out at the Union Club.
01:23:57 #1704 And she's been alone ever since?
01:24:00 #1705 Yes, sir. Oh, thanks.
01:24:06 #1706 I didn't dare go home. I had to come here for money for the taxi.
01:24:09 #1707 Oh, you poor kid. You poor kid.
01:24:12 #1708 Shut up. You don't want to divorce now at all, do you, darling?
01:24:17 #1709 No.
01:24:19 #1710 But I do. I'm the only injured party.
01:24:22 #1711 You let him stay. You let him stay.
01:24:25 #1712 Of course. I knew the minute I kissed him, he wasn't you.
01:24:28 #1713 me wasn't you but what did you do well as soon as I was positive I demanded the
01:24:32 #1714 reason for the impersonation and I told you told her it was either that or go to jail
01:24:38 #1715 oh Dickie it was such a gorgeous chance to cure you of your blooming habit she
01:24:45 #1716 went into her room darling I locked the connecting door yes and prayed for the
01:24:50 #1717 best oh sweetheart if you'll forgive me this time I promise you I'll never
01:24:56 #1718 bloom again as long as I live well I'm sure glad I'm not married well thank
01:25:02 #1719 heaven all my husbands are dead